I have a date. Finally. And it’s the one I’ve been hoping for.
No, I’m not talking about my love life – you know I don’t write that sort of blog (and if you didn’t know that: surprise). I’m talking about my uterus, obviously.
Yes, I have the date for my second operation. I will be undergoing a laparoscopy to repair/remove a fallopian tube that possibly sustained damage after my first laparoscopy. As operations go, it’s not a full on one.
When I was booked in for Operation Number One, I didn’t want to know anything about the procedure. I wanted to bury my head in the sand and pretend none of it was happening. I find myself wanting to do the same now.
I think I did the right thing in not looking into the surgery but there are things that you should know if you’re booked in for the same operation.
What is a laparoscopy?
A laparoscopy is a type of keyhole surgery which involves a camera, two sharp tools and a whole lotta gas. The surgeon makes three or four small cuts into the abdomen – usually one through the belly button – and uses scissor like tools to remove and repair tissue.
One of the best things about a laparoscopy is that there’s minimal scarring, as the NHS highlights:
“Large incisions can be avoided during laparoscopy because the surgeon uses an instrument called a laparoscope.”
The idea behind a laparoscopy is that you have the operation, they wake you up and ship you home within the same day. However there are one or two things they gloss over, which you may want to bear in mind
Farty McFarty Fart
They downplay the amount of gas they pump into you.
The gas will stay with you for days. Horrible trapped gas which means your as buoyant as a beach ball and fartier than toddler on beans. Each movement of the lower body will be accompanied by its own raspberry sound effect. Soon your family will be renaming the bedroom or living room (which ever you find the most comfortable room to recover in) the Room of Eternal Stench.
Yes, they really do gloss over the gas.
But do not fear, there is one remedy that I have tried and tested. Mint tea is good for expelling those unwanted fumes so if you’re due a laparoscopy, make sure you’re stocked up on mint tea.
I’m not too keen on the stuff but two cups of the stuff and I was sorted.
Spaghetti
During my last operation, the surgeon had to do a lot more on me than he expected and as a result, I had to stay in overnight. As I awoke from my 30-minute operation 3-hours later, I was wheeled into the recovery room with a drainage tube coming out of me. This didn’t bother me at all – I was far too drugged up to care about much, if I’m honest.
However, it is something was not mentioned to me before the operation but it was rather painless and was a bit of a nuisance when I wanted to walk around. The nurses were on it and lent me a little bag to put the end of the tube in when I popped to the loo.
How did they get it out? No, they don’t knock you out again to remove the tube. While you take a deep breath, a nurse skillfully pulls the tube out. Painless but a bit freaky. And no, you don’t go flying round the room like a spinning top.
Up and at ‘em
If you do stay in the hospital, the nurses will have you up and around as soon as possible. Don’t expect your stay to be some luxuries rest stop, it’s important for you to get moving as soon as you can.
I was surprised when the nurse told me to get up and go to the loo, but I found it surprisingly easy to walk around. Getting up and sitting down was a bit of a problem.
Vertical, good. Horizontal, good. Inbetween, bad.
Well, I hope that is helpful for any of you who are on a waiting list for a laparoscopy. I don’t have all the answers but if you want more information, take a look on the NHS website or talk to your doctor.
Uterus is not Cuterus 